here i am

here i am
one of those sleepless nights
where your mind keeps wandering through and through
sometimes nonsense
and sometimes through deep reflection
i just had a revelation tonight
spoken through the word
and here i am
wondering about something else
but mostly about the intimacy and closeness
of relationship.
its one of those things-
like having a garden or owning a pet
if there's no care or love or attention,
it will surely die.

lately, i've become an expert at reviving orchids.
i own about 5 at the moment. 1 that i resuscitated back to life and is budding new flowers, 2 that are dead and are being tended to, and 2 that are still in full bloom.
they are all sort of rotating in seasons and i've been watching them day after day, talking to my plants and giving them attention.

and with these relationships, i think, i see, and i feel the same way...
i'm watching some die 
and don't feel i have to be investing myself as much anymore
is this what life is
people just getting too busy to tend to things that once mattered?
or does new relationships replace old ones
and old relationships are just thought of as being season-less, or 'in bloom'
whether you are there or not-
because memories really do last a lifetime?
or is it just me that is unsure that what we had may be no more

here i am
where are you